Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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