He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
