you turned your livingroom into a bong?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
