Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
