Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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