I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
