its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The air was thick with penises
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
