i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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