Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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