I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
