the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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