I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
