I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
