New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
