i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
