Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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