just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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