also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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