Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I party with great urgency now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
