you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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