I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
