my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
