it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
