I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
