And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
