we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
