People with herpes should wear stickers.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
