He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
