"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
