I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
