An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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