I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
