It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
