My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
