I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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