haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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