apparently the secret to your success is patron
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
