Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
