Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
