Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
