....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
