1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
