Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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