Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
