I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
this is an emotional support booty call
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
