You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
