your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
should my penis look like a turkey
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
