Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
