Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
