Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
